It’s been just about one week past the five month mark of Moma’s passing. Up to now, the only “person” I’ve had around me to offer comfort has been my cat, Tink. We’ve been through so much together. She was his world just as much as she was mine! We’ve cried together, slept side-by-side on her bed with her little black sweater crumpled-up between us and talked about her for hours on end.
Lately, I’ve been having a great deal of difficulty at work. Some of that fault lies on me. Despite the help of all my friends, I’m still finding it oh so difficult to focus on what is needed to be done. I’m distracted with missing her so much I just can’t seem to accomplish the simplest tasks. I know I’m now doing the work of three people these days but, in the past, that was never really a challenge. Moma used to Love that about me… a man that actually liked to work! “Imagine that!” she’d often say. I don’t think I’d hear that from her today.
With all of this going on, I’ve become angry lately. As he normally does, Tink meows loudly while slipping in and out between my feet in the morning. He’s looking for his morning dose of tuna as I do my coffee. I haven’t been shopping in a while and am completely out. Instead of just explaining that to Tink, I yell “I don’t have any dammit, so cut it out!” When I bring something home to eat I sit on the couch in our family room as I always did with her. Tink, in character, jumps up on the table to investigate. Moma always shared her meal with him. Me, I scream again “Leave me alone! This isn’t good for you!” Tink just scurries away into Moma’s room to hide.
I know it’s not him. I know it’s me being angry with myself for not taking care of the simple little things I should be doing. I know Moma is so mad at me right now. What do I do? I take it out on her furry little buddy! I feel so bad for doing this and I’m such an idiot for acting this way instead of simply doing what’s needed.
Last night, as I slipped beneath the bed cover to try and sleep, I was talking to her. I was trying to apologize for how I’ve been acting lately and all the mean things I’ve said to TInk. I felt her there… arms crossed and scowling as I tried to explain myself. I cried. “I’m sorry Moma! It’s just that I miss you so much I can’t seem to get it together! Please forgive me!”
I reached out and turned off the lamp on my bedside table. I’m exhausted and need my rest. What happened next took me totally by surprise. There I was, in the dark with teary eyes and weary heart. I had no food to offer TInk and was still angry from the day’s events. He knew this. Quietly, he hopped up on the bed at my feet. He was crouching at first, waiting for my reaction. He then crept alongside me eventually winding-up on my chest. He began to purr. I was unable to resist… I wrapped my arms around him and began to gently stroke his coat. I then began crying even harder. “I’m so sorry TInk… it’s not you little buddy! I know you miss her too!”
All in all, I think Moma did this. I think she has accepted my apology and brought Tink and I back together. We needed her and she was there. Tink and I spent most of the night in that same position. He on my chest with both my hands surrounding him. Still and unmoving. We cried ourselves to sleep and remained together all through the night. She was here and we felt her… her head on my shoulder.
We miss you Moma and still Love you so! We’ll do better, Tink and I, we promise you!