I had a dream last night. Actually, I went through many. Last night was different. Something strange that I hadn’t encountered yet. I’ve had problems sleeping from an early age. I believe it was sometime after my stint in the military when it began. Perhaps it was the fear of missing the “call to duty” or maybe just the pressure of marrying and having a child at such a young age. I’m not quite certain where it all started.
Anyway, last night I went to bed early. I hadn’t slept well the night before so both mind and body were exhausted.I think it was around 8:30 when I grabbed a soda from the fridge, undressed and pulled the sheets down off my bed to try and get some much needed rest. As I recall, I fell asleep rather quickly. Shortly thereafter, they came. I think I was somewhere in the middle east. There were grenades booming and gun fire all around me. I was screaming something at another soldier but I couldn’t quite make out what I was saying. The vision was short-lived as I remember seeing a bright flash hurling me back to sleep.
Another one. This time, I was on foot alongside men on horses. I was armored and carried both shield and sword. We were marching somewhere. I don’t know where but I remember it was a rugged terrain. My legs ached. My arms grew weary from the weight of my armor. Suddenly, there was the sound of drums. They were beating slowly at first but, as our pace hastened, they grew faster in tempo. I then remember me raising my sword in my right hand, placing my shield before me and preparing to scream… once again, back to sleep.
There were a few dreams in between these two and a couple afterward. I can’t seem to remember the specifics of those but I do know they were troubling. They shook me from sleep. I awoke several times throughout the night only to realize I was still home… safe within the confines of my room with Tink (our warrior cat) guarding the perimeter. Back to sleep.
Then it came. This one, my friends, was so vivid it is nearly impossible for me to explain it fully. It was her. It was my Kimmie. At first I heard her little feet shuffling across the tile flooring. She was heading towards my door. This, I knew, as I’ve heard this so often recently. What did she want now? What do I do wrong this time? I waited. Sure enough, she peeked her head around the corner of my door. He long blond hair draped across one should to the front and over the back of another. It was so clear! It was as if I was watching a high-tech movie on the latest high definition TV. Her blues eyes were almost glowing. They had a light of their own which lit up my bedroom like an airport runway. I cried and said “Oh my God Kimmie is that really you?! Are you really here right now?!” Honestly, and again, it was so incredibly clear. It was so real! She then entered my room and sat on the bed beside me. I felt as though perhaps I had just awakened from a 10 week coma and was now back in reality. Maybe I had an accident? Maybe I was laying in a hospital bed and not at home? Was this real? It seemed so unlike any dream I’ve had throughout the course of my entire life… and there have been so many! Why was this so real?!
Sadly, as she leaned forward to kiss my forehead, I awoke. No, it hadn’t been real. Just another nightmare I suppose triggered by my symptoms of PTSD. What a horrible and mean joke to pull on me. How could God have been so cruel to do this to me tonight. Was this funny to him?
I sat up on my bed. I wiped my eyes as they were dripping with tears. I looked across the lake out the sliding glass doors of my bedroom. The moon was full and stars in abundance. It was only about 3 AM yet it seemed so bright outside. I sat for what seemed to be an eternity. I wondered what had happened. What was that? Why was it so vivid and clear. After several deep breaths and a couple of sips from my now warm soda it hit me.
No, God isn’t cruel. He would never taunt me in that way. He would never bring me harm. I know now what he had done. He saw my torment. He saw the restlessness and constant turmoil in my dreams. He felt the fear in my heart. God had sent me my Angel. He sent her to calm my weary soul and ease my tension. He allowed me to see the beauty which once surrounded me once more. He reminded me how much I Loved her and still do. It was also a sign that she was at peace now… and she wanted the same for me. Thank you God… thank you for that vision. I will return to sleep again. Perhaps now, I might find rest.
As I laid my head back on my pillow and pulled the sheets across my legs, I smiled. I smiled yet allowed one more tear fall from my eye. As I closed my eyes and heard her once more… “Good night Woody, you’re going to be okay.”
I miss you Kimmie. Thank you for sharing your peace with me this night.