Just One Person

Tuesday , 19, August 2014 4 Comments

Its been an interesting night. I had a busy day at the office but did get something accomplished. I guess that’s a good thing but nobody really knows what I’ve done. Actually, it was quite a feat for me as I had never setup a similar device as I did tonight. Sure, there were a couple of emails back and forth from technical support but, nonetheless, I got it figured out.  To me, that’s definitely something.

Naturally, I stopped in for a few beers after work. I mean, honestly, this was a mile-marker for me… I actually got something done. I think its been a little over a year since I’ve been able to seriously accomplish anything. My attention span and focus are completely blurred. To tell you the truth, I have no idea why my boss hasn’t fired me by now. I’m really nothing but a useless waste of time to the company. Sad, but being a business man from way back, I know I would’ve canned me a year ago. Kudos to him for his tolerance.

Tonight, as I sat drinking my beer and watching the people around me, I launched into the past. I remembered things from last year. I was so productive then…. my house and yard were beautiful and everything was working as it was supposed to be. Accomplishments were in abundance at the office as I was always creating something new for work. Today, things are quite different. The yard is a mess, the pool is still broken and attracting bugs from everywhere but I really just don’t care. Quite frankly, when I walk out to the patio, I simply swat them away. Its really quite disgusting. This isn’t who I am nor is it what Kimmie wanted me to be. I do what’s needed at the office but know there is so much more I could get done.

My friends have all but disappeared. Unless I go to where they are, I simply don’t see them anymore. I know why this is. They’re Alonetired of my wallowing. I understand that… and I don’t Love them any less for what they do. Personally, I probably couldn’t put up with my behavior and mood swings either.

I’m never going to have my Kimmie back… I know that! Why is it so hard for people to understand that kind of pain? I’m a simple man with meager desires today. All I’m looking for is someone to understand. I will Love again as that’s simply my nature. I just need someone, just one person, to understand the hole I have in my heart right now. Yes, the dating thing sucks! How can I honestly Love another woman when my heart is so tattered and torn? It will heal. I know that… I just need to give it time but it seems no one is willing to wait.

I’m sure some of my readers know, Boca Raton is a terrible town to try and find another soul-mate. Unless you’ve got millions in the bank and a plan for the future, you’re pretty much on your own. Whatever happened to “just getting by?” Does anyone remember that? Do you remember when couples struggled to get through so much but it only strengthened their relationship? That’s all I’m looking for today. It simply isn’t out there.

I have been a member of the Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors for over a year but was recently crushed by the fact that other members thought my book was going to serve no purpose but to exploit them and reveal who they were and what they’ve been through. Obviously, I’m not as well-known as I thought I was. I Love these people dearly as they were the only ones that ever came through for me, understood my fluctuating emotions and saved my life!  That one really hurt!

Anyway, I know I’m rambling and I apologize but I just felt the need to talk tonight. I haven’t really posted anything new since someone I thought was my friend called my site nothing but “self-absorbed bullshit!” Okay, that one hurt more! I’m just getting so damn tired of the loneliness!

Talk to me people! Put my hope back in America! Please tell me we haven’t become so numb to others that our hearts barely beat! Show me the kindness that once existed here and the belief that we’re still “one nation, under God!” Let me know that if any local or foreign body threatens our existence that you’ll be there beside me defending the honor of our country!

I Love you all more than words could ever say! Help me believe again! You want to know me, listen here!

Good night for now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

4 thoughts on “ : Just One Person”
  • Finngarian says:

    Ahh Woody… I miss seeing you on the forum. I really do. You helped so many people there. Maybe reconnecting there would help you feel a little better… it’s not the same as being in person, but I miss seeing you there…

    • Woody says:

      Thank you Finngarian, I miss being there… but I am still watching! It really cuts me deep to see many new users as I watch “The Beast” taking over so many poor soul’s lives. I’ve got sooo much going on in my personal life I don’t even have the time to breathe and it just seems that every time I go there now, I wind-up as nothing but a sobbing blob of tears. As you know, I Love all of my survivor friends. Please know, they will never be forgotten and will always be foremost in my heart. As I said, I’m still watching and once I’ve regained my courage… I’ll be back!

      • Finngarian says:

        I understand that my friend, there have been times when I was just unable to take on anyone else’s pain… it gets better though and you have such a big heart… we aren’t going anywhere and I’ll be delighted to see you back when you’re ready!