Woody’s Space

I wrote this story the day after my birthday this year to share it with my friends at The Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors. I thought I’d share it with you as well.

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It is now one day following my birthday and I had yet another unique experience I would like to share with you. For those that know me, you understand how strongly I believe in the subtle little signs they give us and the true meaning behind them. This one, tore at my heart but left me with a smile.

Another “Woody Story” but oh so true…

The week leading up to my birthday was difficult. I wasn’t at all concerned about the age thing as I know how insignificant that little number is when it comes to what we have inside us. The heart, the soul and the compassion is what I believe makes us who and what we are to others and, more importantly, to ourselves. No, I didn’t care about getting older. What I knew would be hard was the past six years of tradition behind my birthday.

Every year I would awake to a single cupcake with a candle and card perched upon the kitchen counter with a freshly lit flame. I had always wondered how she knew I was about to arise or whether she simply picked a time of morning to light my day. Nevertheless, it was there each year and always the same. A tiny little vanilla cake with a thin layer of creamy white icing. The card varied from year-to-year depending on how she felt the day before. Sometimes it was touching and brought tears to my eyes, and others, quite comical. This year, I would not have my cupcake and I often cried knowing how I would miss this tasty morsel tradition in the morning.

The day came and, surprisingly, I was overwhelmed with Facebook posts and text messages which completely drained the battery on my cell phone. I received greetings from family and friends across the globe. As you can imagine, this brought me great joy! I guess I never really knew how many people were a part of my life and how they cared so much for me. I was truly, a blessed man!

I went to work and had a pretty busy day but that didn’t keep the messages from continuing to flood my inbox. There were just too many to respond to everyone. I just thought to myself, “There is no need to reply. They all know me, who I am and how greatly I appreciate their kind words. I’ll simply post a ‘global thank-you’ on Facebook in the morning.”

The work-day ended and I decided to buy myself a few drinks at my favorite watering-hole. Knowing it was only Thursday, I expected to drink alone and relieve some of the day’s pressure by feeding the video game. This was okay by me as it’s just what I’ve been doing for the past nine months. This was just some “me-time.”

I arrived at the bar and grill at about 5:30 and there wasn’t a soul in the place other than me and the bartender. “Happy Birthday Woody” were the first words out of her mouth as she popped the top off my usual beer and filled a nice clean glass to the brim. Hmmm… that first sip was so satisfying! I snuggled up to the bar positioning myself directly in front of my games. The bartender handed me five one dollar bills and said “The games are on me today Woody… have at it!”

There I sat, enjoying my cold ‘n tasty and tapping away at the screen. Kimmie came to mind often which filled my eyes with tears but I managed to hold them back before they ran down my cheek. I miss her so! I paused my game playing for a moment and lowered my head in my hands to say a short prayer. “Thank you God. Thank you for all you’ve given me and the friends and family that surrounded me today. Please let Kimmie know I Love her and miss her still but I’m okay today… and thank you for the Angels that protected my heart from sadness.”

As I returned to the screen, I heard them… big, roaring motorcycles began pulling in the parking lot outside. Hmmm… new patrons? No, it was my friends! Some came on their bikes and others in cars. I was so surprised I just had to ask that stupid question, “What are you guys doing here?! Its not Friday!” Their response was as I should have expected, “Its your birthday you moron! We’re here to celebrate!” After all the hugs, kisses from the wives and girlfriends, we began our revelry. It was a great continuation to an awesome day!

We stayed for hours and laughed so hard we cried. We talked about Kimmie several times and as we began to leave, all of my friends came to me for a closing hug. “She’s here man… we can feel her.” This, of course, started my tears flowing yet I appreciated their recognition of her so greatly. I watched them as they left. Before exiting the parking lot, they all raised their left hand, pointed and looked to the sky. This, I knew, was another tribute to her and gift to me. I cried even harder and knew it was time to go. As I drove home, I spoke with her. “Thank you Baby… I know you had something to do with this. I Love you so much!”

I arrived at home, was completely exhausted and hit the sheets. I fell asleep immediately and woke around 4:00 AM. I decided I would get on the bike and head to the shore to greet the morning sun with Kimmie. I always feel so close to her there.

I reached the beach at about 4:45 AM. It was dark. I removed my shoes and socks and walked through the sand to the shoreline. The sounds of the ocean surrounded me. The roar of the tide was breathtaking but oh so calming. It was amazingly peaceful! My hair and leather vest were swaying with the breeze. I felt as though the Angels were beside me and caressing away my pain.

I spoke with Kimmie for quite some time. We talked about work, the house and various other things we always spoke about as the sun began to rise. I could feel her sitting beside me in the sand to my left side, resting her little head on my shoulder, right hand on my knee. “I’m proud of you Woody. You’re doing so much better now. I’m happy for you!”

It was now just after 7:00 AM and I knew the masses would soon be coming. It was time to go. I stood, brushed the sand from my jeans and kissed Kimmie good-bye. I took her hands in mine and thanked her once again for a beautiful birthday. “I miss you so much Baby and wish I could hold you again. I know that time will come again one day but, for now, I will continue to treasure my memory of you. Peace-out Kimmie! I Love you!”

I turned from the sea and began to make my way through the twenty or so yards of sand back to my bike. As I neared the sidewalk, I looked down. There on the beach, covered in sand and at my feet it was… an uneaten, unwrapped little vanilla cupcake with creamy white icing. I picked it up and brushed it clean. The tears again filled my eyes as I knew this was her gift to me today. As I eyed my new-found cupcake, I heard her again “Woody!” I knew I couldn’t eat it as it was simply just a sign from her… my birthday cupcake!

I hope you all can see or feel your signs. I know they’re there! I hope you feel some joy in knowing how at peace they really are and how they’re still beside us.

God Bless,
Woody